Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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