I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
