id be glad to
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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