what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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