Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
