Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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