At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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