Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
