Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
