sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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