Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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