people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
