woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
