I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
