remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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