haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
