Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
