Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
