I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
that's an acceptable place to lick
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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