How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
