I cockslap morals
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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