He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
