I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
