there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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