why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
