ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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