Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
