That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Randomize
