You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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