You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
