did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
