just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
