Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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