Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
