Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
