Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
