I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
