Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
