Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
