So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
