PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I've blown a few things in my day
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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