Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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