Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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