nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
