Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
