his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
is it fun? or sober?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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