I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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