Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
