she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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