My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize