I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize