When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
