I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
