chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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