if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
