on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
