I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I need a burrito and a hug.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
