I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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