i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
