i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and she was petting her beer can
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize