I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
