I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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