No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
