Porn is love you can see.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
