He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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