Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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