Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
