I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
