Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
