you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My dick has a subreddit
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
