i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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